DISASTROUS RELATIONSHIPS DO YOU KNOW HOW TO AVOID THEM ?

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR LOVE BUT KEEP FINDING YOURSELF AT THE END OF ANOTHER DISASTROUS RELATIONSHIP? DISASTROUS RELATIONSHIPS DON’T JUST HAPPEN  -YOU PLAY A PART IN MAKING THEM HAPPEN

IT ALL STARTED LOVELY BUT THEN…IS THIS YOUR STORY?

DISASTROUS RELATIONSHIPS ARE DESTINED TO END

  • THOSE THAT ARE DESTINED NEVER TO MEET YOUR NEEDS
  • THOSE THAT WILL NEVER BE WHAT YOU HOPED FOR

I RAISE THIS ISSUE BECAUSE LOTS OF PEOPLE COME TO THERAPY BECAUSE THEY FEEL THEY ARE STUCK

CHOOSING THE WRONG PEOPLE, THE UNAVAILABLE, THE COMMITMENT AVERSE AND NOT KNOWING WHAT IS GOING WRONG

IS IT JUST BAD LUCK?

THEY DON’T JUST HAPPEN,

  • YOU PLAY A PART
  • YOU DO THE SELECTION
  • YOU ACCEPT THE CONDITIONS OF A RELATIONSHIP
  • YOU LET IT PROGRESS . WHEN MAYBE IT SHOULD BE OVER

YOU CAN AVOID THESE ERRORS -KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

  • DATING FOR FUN
  • FOR SOCIAL AND SEXUAL
  • WITH A VIEW TO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE POTENTIAL FOR LONG TERM LOVE AND HAPPINESS

UNDERSTAND THAT DATING IS A LEARNING CURVE,AN EVALUATION PROCESS

  • LEARNING WHAT YOU LIKE
  • WHAT FEELS GOOD AND POSITIVE
  • WHAT FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU
  • WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY IN A RELATIONSHIP

YOU MUST

TUNE IN TO HOW YOU FEEL IN THE COMPANY OF THAT PERSON

  • YOU MUST NOT TRY TO SEE EVERYTHING IN THE POSITIVE , ROSY, ‘MAKE IT WORK’ AT ALL COST KIND OF WAY
  • MUST LISTEN TO EARLY SIGNS AND INDICATORS OF BEHAVIORS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AND STRESSED.
  • DON’T TRY TO PLEASE THE OTHER TRY TO PLEASE YOURSELF , DON’T TRY TO OVER ACCOMMODATE OR OVER COMPROMISE IT OBSCURES THE TRUTH

PSYCHOLOGY BITS

  • BEING YOU AND KNOWING WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU IS A CLEAR ADVANTAGE IN SELECTING WELL AT THE OUTSET.
  • KNOW THAT ATTRACTION IS DRIVEN SOMETIMES BY THE PHYSICAL
  • SOMETIMES ATTRACTION IS DRIVEN BY THE UNCONSCIOUS
  • ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO THE NEEDY ONE, THE SULLEN ONE , THE DRINKER, THE FLIRT, WHAT IS GOING ON.- REPETITION COMPULSION, YOU KEEP RETURNING TO WHAT IS FAMILIAR
  • DRIVE TO GIVE WHAT YOU DO NOT HAVE- THE UNCONSCIOUS DEAL
  • DRIVE TO SETTLE DOWN BECAUSE EVERYONE IS, AGE , HORMONES , SOCIETAL PRESSURES

 SOME FLASHING AMBER WARNING SIGNS 

THE OVERLY ATTENTIVE – FLATTERING AND SEDUCTIVE BUT MAY MASK INSECURITY, POSSESSIVENESS  OR JEALOUSY

  • DOESN’T LIKE YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY – CAREFUL OF ANYONE WHO IS TOO CRITICAL OF YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS , THEY ARE YOURS AND YOUR SUPPORT
  • CAREFUL OF THE PERSON WHO IS HARSH, CRITICAL AND JUDGEMENTAL OF OTHERS BECAUSE SOMEDAY THIS THINKING WILL TURN TOWARD YOU.
  • LISTEN TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS , THEY CAN SOMETIMES SEE WHAT YOU ARE BLIND TO, IF THEY ALL EXPRESS SIMILAR THINGS – THEY MAY BE RIGHT

NOTICE

IN COUPLE  THERAPY WHEN WE LAY BARE THE ISSUES AND IT IS CLEAR SOME OF THE ITEMS THAT ARE NOW REAL ISSUES , INEVITABLY THE PERSON SAYS I SAW THIS AT THE BEGINNING BUT I THOUGHT HE OR SHE WOULD CHANGE .  

THEY WONT CHANGE!

IF YOU WANT TO AVOID DISASTER,

 EXAMINE YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP, 

LEARN WHAT EXACTLY WENT WRONG AND WHY AND WHAT PART YOU PLAYED,  WHAT WARNING SIGN DID YOU IGNORE

REMEMBER DATING IS AN EVALUATION PROCESS

 

 

 

 

http://http://www.newstalk.com/listen_back/81889/39301/27th_September_2017_-_The_Hard_Shoulder_Part_3/

Taking a break from a relationship that is in trouble can benefit the relationship. Discussed this with Ivan on Newstalk.

This idea arises from the core proposition in Marian Keyes  new book ‘ The Break’ . It’s not that I’m saying everyone should take a break, but I am saying that it can have some benefits if your relationship is heading for trouble.

It can help each party to reflect on what they have in the relationship, why this person is important to you and why you value them in your life. In a relationship or marriage we can forget those things, forget what is lovely and what you would miss.

Have a listen , go to 2nd quarter…

http://http://www.newstalk.com/listen_back/81889/39133/20th_September_2017_-_The_Hard_Shoulder_Part_3/